Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness? -Artemus Ward

All eyes on Bettie, for fuck's sake, it's Friday. 2 days until Halloween! The weather is grossly inappropriate for such a holiday. It is not cold, it is not anything like Autumn should be, so there are not massive spans of dead and colorful leaves abound. Whatever. It would suck to have to put warm jackets over costumes anyway.

I was looking for something funny and ended up with this, which is a very serious subject, however, I am going to hope that you think it's funny.

? Both George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew marijuana on their plantations. ?

How to bleach your works in three easy steps:
Using bleach this way can kill HIV. But it's NOT likely to kill hepatitis. To be safe, use a brand new
sterile rig every time. Always use fresh clean water, a new cooker and fresh cotton when you prepare
your hit.

	Fill the syringe with water. Tap it with your finger to loosen blood drops. Shake the syringe. Shoot out the bloody water. Repeat these steps until you can't see any blood.
	Fill the syringe with bleach. Make sure the bleach touches the inside of the syringe for at least 30 seconds. Shoot it out.
	Rinse out the bleach with NEW CLEAN water. Shoot it out. But remember, there is no substitute for a brand new syringe.

Another thing to remember is there is no substitute for sobriety! Don't do heroin. And never inject
bleach into your veins, or water for that matter. Just leave the injecting to the pros. Honestly.

? Bayer (the aspirin company) was advertising cough medicine containing heroin in 1898. ?

The Wacky World of Words

• abacinate, v. - to blind by putting red-hot copper basin near the eyes
• bastinade, v. - to beat with a stick or baton, especially on the feet
• calcographer, n. - one who draws with crayons
• deism, n. - belief in God but rejection of religion
• eellogofusciouhipoppokunurious, adj. - good

My Two Phobias

• Eisoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors or of seeing oneself in a mirror (especially at night!)
• Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs (just going down, not up)

If you knew that, then you know me very well. But do you know what my other phobias are?

So, maybe you want some bizarre, yet interesting facts? Well, here you go!

• In New Mexico, over eleven thousand people have visited a tortilla chip that appeared to have the face of Jesus Christ burned into it.
• Washington Irving used the pseudonym Geoffrey Crayon when he published The Sketch-Book, a collection of short stories and essays, including "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" and "Rip Van Winkle."
• Don McLean's song, "American Pie" was named after the plane Buddy Holly died in.
• Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.
• If you bring a raccoon's head to the Henniker, New Hampshire town hall, you are entitled to receive ten cents from the town.

That's all folks!

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